Review - Madonna "Hard Candy"

So after much trepidation I have finally listened to and absorbed the new Madonna confection “Hard Candy”, her last album with Warner Music.

I have been vocal about my fears with this new album.
Ever since it was announced that she would be working with Timberland and Timberlake I was frightened, not because they are not talented, but because they are so over saturated on the radio that their sound merges into one big noise.

This is not the first time Madonna has r-n-b'ed herself. 1992's album 'Bedtime Stories' attempted to mix soul, r-n-b with electronica to mixed success. In fact when she first started, the music industry thought she was a black singer, for at the time no white female artists were making that type of music. So those who say she is jumping on a band wagon, do your history...she basically drives the band wagon.

However this is the first time she has teamed up with known, commercially big, hit makers. These boys are sure-fire hits makers whose sound, shall I say, is getting tiresome. So yes, I was scared.

This fear came close to being realized once the lead single “4 Minutes” was revealed. My initial reaction was “eh?” but it has grown on me….finding new life in the Junkie XL Remix.

Reviewing this is slightly bittersweet as it is uneven and only glimpses of Madonna shine through.

As I said this is her last record with the label she has been signed to for 25 years plus, and I see why she made the decisions on this album that she has. It may not hit the creative heights of “Music”, “Ray of Light” or even “Confessions on a Dancefloor” but it has radio air-play written all over it.

The opening track is the Neptunes produced “Candy Shop”. Many ageist people out there will gag at the thought of a nearly 50 year old singing about her ‘Turkish delight’ but I say, all the more power to you. It is a shame the track is not all that inspired. The minimalistic funk beats, the bleeps and back ground rapping all come off as just a little bit boring, as though you are listening to dance music while coming off your sleeping pill.

“4 Minutes” is the track that has given Madonna her 13th UK number 1.
A lot of the success has to be given to Justin Timberlake as he almost has more vocal time that Madge. The beat is pure apocalyptic marching band and lyrics are sing-a-long catchy “If you want it, you’ve already got it” (what ever that means….I want to be a millionaire….however I just checked my bank statement and I am poor poor poor!) however, for all its over production and energy, the track seems weak, especially for a lead of single from a Madonna album. Then again this single was made to simply right US chart wrongs…and it has succeeded so fair play M!
Things improve completely with “Give It 2 Me”. Wow!!! This is the Madonna I love! She has gone all the way back to Holiday with this but revved it up to 400 mph. This is some of the best work Pharrell has done with another artist and this will be huge over in Europe…may be too dance orientated for the U.S.. This is the song you will remember from the album, and the producers she hires for remix duties are going to have a ball zooping this one up!

Some pre-reviews have said “Heartbeat” is the albums big ole dance number. I disgree. This is a total album track, and not a strong one. The song reminds me of her “Forbidden Love” off ‘Confessions’ with added urban beats, but the vocal work is uninspired and phoned in. It seems almost like a yawn and the song just does not go anywhere. It seems to be designed so you can push your fast forward button.
“Miles Away” introduces us to marriage counselling a la Madonna. Things are not good when your relationship only works while you are miles away from each other. “I guess we’re at our best when we’re miles away” she sings over a slowed down guitar driven urban groove. This over all effect is a feeling of melancholy and sadness. The biggest flaw has to be the opening line of “I just woke up from a fuzzy dream” …..Oh come back Patrick Leonard!!!!!!

“She's Not Me” sounds like “Thief of Hearts” reworked by Nile Rogers. It features bitchy lyrics directed at her man who has taken up with a new woman, and features a pure funk 70’s disco beat complete with hand claps and whistles.
Toot Toot, Beep Beep.
Not a standout track, but a fun catchy Madonna pop moment that strangely turns into a ‘Confessions’ track at the four in a half minute mark.

A stuttering beat, hand claps, electric guitar, key boards, and the sunniest vocals Madonna as produced since “Cherish” make up the craziness that is “Incredible”. This is the song that people have already hated. It actually ends up being one of the albums standouts. It is sweet in a skipping-down-the-street sort of way until it suddenly breaks into an electric guitar riff and ole M begins to shout “I need to go back there before it’s too late”, then it goes back to the skippy happy mode then it goes all dance floor with lots of “ooohs”, strings, hyperactive synths and the lady singing about “missing my best friend”. It is the musical equivalent of a relationship with a manic depressive, and oddly it works.


“The Beat Goes On” is the next track, and boy does it. It is a vast improvement of the leaked demo, and turns out to be one of the albums higher point. However the disco base line does not go anywhere and Kanye West offers nothing. The same could be said for “Dance 2night” which features one of the most funky soul beats Madonna has ever dared to put her name to. The vocals are sexy yet oddly cold. Justin duets on this as well but doesn’t add much. This is the only track that sounds like it should have been included on “Bedtime Stories” and possibly sounded all the better for it. Although the production is top notch, this just seems totally un-Madonna.
The less said about “Spanish Lessons” the better. It sounds like filler album music for Shakira. The woman is actually teaching us Spanish over a stuttering Spanish guitar driven beat. “Entiendo means I get it”. Thank you Madonna…..I will stick to Linguaphone. It sounds like having a migraine while riding a bull. This is not even b-side fodder.

Things improve with the end two tracks of the album. “The Devil Wouldn’t Recognise You” sounds musically like Timberlakes own “Cry Me a River” complete with thunder and rain. This is as close to a ballad as the album will allow.
“Over and over you’re pushing me onto the floor and I keep coming back for more” she sings over sad synths and hypnotizing bleeps and tweeks.

The album closer is how I like Madonna. Slightly deep and experimental. “Voices” features great orchestration, with philosophical musings over a driving beat that sounds like Massive Attack meets Twin Peaks. “Are you walking the dog cause the dog isn’t you? Are out of control? Is the dog walking you?” she muses before the track ends with dramatic orchestration and a repeated clanging bell of doom.

Overall the album is highly more successful that I was expecting. She throws some risks into the project, but it majority of the album is radio friendly with a glossy urban sheen.
I was hoping for something with depth and fresh sounding, but that would not allow Madonna to do what she wanted to. She wants to give her record company one last hit. She wants her 25 years with Warner to go out with a bang.
This is her thank you to a company that have stood by her and supported her through her ups and downs.
One could say this is her most selfless album.
Before the Live Earth deal the album was going to be over produced by Stuart Price, and would be marketed as “Confessions 2”, but that gave way to the opportunity to present Warner with a bonafide US hit. An album whose singles would actually be played on the radio and branch out to a bigger audience.
According to pre sales and the results of the first single, she has done just that.

In a nut shell this is not Madonna at her creative best, but ironically, by going with the flow and playing it safe she may have one of her biggest commercial hits. Coming 25 years into an amazing career, you can cut her some slack.


Over all grade: B-

Stand out tracks: "Give it 2 Me", "Incredible", "Voices"