Friday, 20 November 2009

Ho ho news

Lauren McLaughlin, former Lionsgate executive, wrote a novel called Cycler about Jill who, during that time of the month, turns into Jack who has a crush on her best friend and who's personality is getting stronger and stronger.

Being from a film background she has of course written the screenplay and sequel already, perhaps lining up directing duties along the way.

Sounds like an interesting concept, but will most likely get treated as some teen comedy with lots of pink for Jill and blue for Jack.

Already posted the trailer for Robert Pattinsons' new film. Now it seems everyones' favourite Bill killer is going to play a love interest opposite the broody one.

Uma Thurman is playing the wife of an army friend of Pattinson, who helps the young journalist by introducing him to the top cats in Parisian society. When her husband dies they get married but things of course do not run smoothly as this is set in 19th century Paris.

Uma back in corsets. Heeeeeeeeeeee!

Also interesting is the story is mainly about a man who sleeps his way to the top, and one of his conquests, the wife of his editor, will be played by the Oscarless Kristen Scott Thomas who according to the story, gets all clingy when he tries to dump her.

It is all Dangerous Liaisons all over again, but kind of backwards.

Did you know about the bitter disagreement that developed between the two founders of the Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas. Well apparently this union for Santa workers (not elves, shopping mall men in red suits and sticky ony beards) was formed then torn apart and the original board of directors expelled. There were accusations of un-Santa-like behaviour between members (elf molestation, reindeer buggary, sh*tting in stockings) and then the introduction of a rival, The Fraternal Order of Real Bearded Santas.

If you did not, you do now, and 'School of Rock' scribe Mike White is penning the script and Scott Rudin is producing.

It just sounds so ridiculous I can not even imagine it. Can you imagine the classes for training day?
9:00 - 9:30 - Jolly introductions
9:30 - 10:30 - The history of Santa.
10:30 - 12:00 - You as Santa (in this class we will be issuing costumes, take you through wig and hat fittings, and beard application. We will also be doing timed dressings and teach you how to carry you sack full of toys.
12:30 - 1:00 - Lunch. Egg nog and mince pies and cookies will be served.
1:00 - 2:00 - Learning the reindeer and North Pole facts.
2:00 - 2:30 - Ho-ing. Leaning the Santa laugh
2:30 - 3:30 - Dealing with children (we will teach you about dealing with fear, inappropriate touching, urine stains and negotiating unrealistic toy requests)
3:30 - 5:00 - Practice run through (getting dressed and into character, meeting your elf and shoppinng mall obstacle course)
It just sounds like it is going to be a bloody excellent film though. I say cast Tom Wilkenson NOW!


Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Kristin Scott Thomas in corsets. YAY.

And by the way I think Jim Broadbent could give Tom Wilkinson a serious run for his money,

Michael Parsons said...

Imagine them both dueling it out!!